Hey, girlfriend. I just thought you should know that you’re doing ok. You got this.
You are loved, and I know you’re doing your best. No one else can tell you how to live your life, or knows how best you should do things. Your opinions are not only valid but deserve as much respect as anyone else’s. Speak up, this is your time to be heard, I’m listening. I’ve got your back. Be proud of who you are.
You’ve done so much already, and you’ve got so much more you’re going to do.
I believe in you.
The new statistic that the press are so keen to share, whilst not acknowledging how complicit they have been in creating the environment that has led to it, means that so many trans people now feel even more concerned about being safe whilst they’re out in the world.
No one should feel unsafe or in danger just because of who they are, and it falls to the rest of us to try to make sure that no one ever feels that way. It’s time to make sure you reach out to trans people, and let them know they can count on you; it’s time to make sure you are on the right side of history.
As women, especially, we can and should be supporting trans women. Unless you’re actively transphobic, there is no possible reason not to be looking out for trans women, and giving them our backing. Never forget, a lot of hatred towards trans women is firmly rooted in misogyny. Real women are supportive of all women, and that includes trans women. The sisterhood is nothing if it’s not intersectional.
Our strength is rooted in being stronger together, and you should try looking for where messages that seek to divide us really originate if you want that message driven home.
It’s no coincidence that so many of these anti-trans sentiments are so closely echoed by the American far right and pro-life Christian movements. It’s no surprise to see leaders of the UK anti-trans movement welcomed in the US by hard line organisations, and featured in the American press harassing prominent US pro-trans campaigners. It’s not unusual for transphobic groups and individuals in the UK to find support from right wing US groups like Hands Across the Aisle, Focus on the Family, The Heritage Foundation and the Women’s Liberation Front.
These aren’t women’s rights movements. They aren’t concerned with making sure that all women end up with equal anything. They just want to hit the LGBTQ community at its perceived weakest point, and take it down, one letter at a time. And when they’ve done that, they’ll carry on oppressing women, you can be damn sure. But that shouldn’t need to be an excuse. We don’t need to feel threatened to stand up for others. It’s a happy coincidence that intersectionality means we can do that anyway. We believe in equal opportunities when it comes to shitbags. We’ll take the fuckers down, whoever they’re hating on today.
So I’m standing up for trans women, trans men, non binary people and anyone else that’s being discriminated against. Don’t you mess with my rainbow family!
Saying that online, however, makes you part of the ‘War on Women’, it turns out. It can even make you a ‘misogynistic, homophobic fetishist’, I was surprised to discover. I couldn’t wait to tell my wife…
This week in the War on Women, I’ve found that there are still men who think they can tell women that they’ve been doing being women wrong, and that they don’t know anything about feminism. It’s easy to be a bit thrown by this, as a feminist for more than thirty years.
I had been initially put off feminism in the seventies when I first heard about it, and it was all bra burning, Andrea Dworkin and the SCUM Manifesto. That’s going a bit far, I thought at the time. I didn’t want to be part of something that was all about who not to include, and not so much about equality as about the complete destruction or subjugation of men as a gender.
I didn’t understand then that any movement starting from a position of oppression will often be born from a fire of extremism, and out of that will eventually come something greater. That fire is necessary in the beginning to create the attention and debate that allows a clarification of ideals and purpose, and fosters growth and openness.
Second wave feminism of course actually made massive advances for women’s rights, in many fundamental areas like equal pay, access to reproductive care and the criminalisation of rape in marriage. To make huge changes, sometimes you need to just keep on goddamn shouting until you’re heard. Women were taking equal power for themselves for the first time, so of course there were a lot of people (cough*men*cough) who didn’t like this. When you’ve had all the privilege, equal rights for someone else can feel like you’re having to give something up, even when you’re not. Feminists were caricatured in the press as humourless, shrill, men-hating lesbians, ugly and callous, the antithesis of everything pretty, womanly or feminine. Anything that would turn women away from joining them, basically. It didn’t work, of course. Women have always been more than what we wear or how we look, or the standards society imposes on us.
The fight for equality kept on happening, and battles kept on being won.
Now our daughters are growing up in a world where their expectations are set on a new level of equality; not something they need to demand, but something that is their right. Seeing fearless young girls forging new paths is amazing, as our young people are putting aside the constraints of gender and narrow definitions of sexuality. Third wave feminism has embraced entirely new ways of thinking.
The speed that the world is changing keeps on increasing, and so it’s becoming increasingly foolish to try to stand in its way – and those who persist in mumbling their outdated prejudices are rightly being left behind. Anyone trying to reopen lines of exclusion or gatekeeping in feminism or definitions of womanhood does so as a decreasing minority. We hear you, and we recognise your voices, but you are not the arbiters of either of those terms, nor will you ever be. That is not what we have fought for, and your narrow and reductive viewpoints are rejected by the majority. Your time is over.
The so called War on Women is real, however. But it isn’t embodied in the existence of trans women, or trans positive cis women, or anything else that isn’t outright transphobia.
It’s a lot simpler to recognise than that.
Instead, you can see it in the sort of person who celebrates a woman being hounded off twitter for expressing her own point of view. Especially if that bullying was at their instigation.
That is surely the definition of a genuine War on Women.
How can anyone claim to support women if they only support those who unquestioningly echo their own narrow and increasingly bizarre views?
That’s just running a cult.
You can either support all women or none. And if you are knowingly victimising and bullying women, then you are not a champion of women, you are a misogynist, and I claim my five pounds.
I am a woman, and my definition of woman is an adult human female, and that includes trans women too. This doesn’t affect any of my rights as a woman. The consultation on the Gender Recognition Act was very clear that none of the conditions under the Equality Act were under debate or would be affected. No single sex spaces currently protected would be changed.
I am a feminist, and my feminism includes anyone who fights for and supports equality for all women. My feminism is open, inclusive and intersectional, and as a woman I can define it as I choose to. As soon as you start gatekeeping either womanhood or feminism you will find yourself excluding someone you never intended. You may see feminism differently to how I do, and that is entirely your right, but you don’t get to tell me what feminism is or isn’t, and you don’t get to tell me I’m doing it wrong. Especially, and I can’t say this often enough, if you’re a man.
That’s not to say, however, that I’m excluding men from my feminism. Men can be feminists, and they’re very welcome. We need men who actually actively stand up for women, as the deity of your choice will tell you. Just no dickheads. Thank you anyway.
And no. No one is being banned from twitter or Facebook for posting pro-trans messages, using trans supportive words, or doing anything that isn’t in any way in contravention of the terms and conditions of using either of those platforms.
If in doubt, you can always just click on ‘like’ or ‘report’. Every little helps.
So, if you’re a woman, stand up for other women. Stand up for your trans sisters especially. They need you right now, so let them know you’re out here, and show them some love. Let them know they’re welcome. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re not supposed to do it, or you’re not doing it the right way.
And hey, trans guys, all you transmasc people, we’re standing up for you, too. I know you’ve not got it easy, having to take that big step into a man’s world, and most of the time, everyone acts like you don’t even exist. We’re here for you. We know you’re out there. We love you too.
All our non binary siblings, we’ve got love for you as well. Of course. Everyone under the T umbrella, today. Because we’re taking that hate crime statistic, and making it a reason to show trans people that we’re there for them, whoever and wherever you are.
I #StandWithTheT.
- Image credit: Aiden Comerford
