Your Panic-free Pandemic Preparation List

Twelve keys points to help you survive the end times

Well, here we all are. It’s the end of days. There’s no toilet roll in Tesco and no chickpeas left in Waitrose. Italy has closed down completely and the US is headed for anarchy because a Wafflehouse employee has tested positive. Looks like we’re all doomed. What should we do to try and survive? Buy even more toilet roll, you say? I know, it seems such a natural response. But here are some other suggestions you might like to consider:

• Don’t be selfish. There are plenty of people who can’t afford to hoard. Buy what you need and no more than that. Try and leave some for people who need it more than you do. Don’t be a dick, Fiona. You don’t even like baked beans that much.
• Reorder all your prescriptions, and check if your chemist has a delivery service you can access. If you usually get repeats at a doctor’s visit, find out how to order repeats over the phone or by email, or whatever your GP surgery prefers, and see if they can send prescriptions direct to your chemist. It’s all useful to know for the future, too. Don’t forget over the counter pharmacy things like aspirin, paracetamol, vitamins and plasters too.
• If you have pets, stock up on pet food, and treats too. If your pets have medication, make sure you have plenty. Make sure you have things that will entertain your animals without going far, or even going out. Do you have neighbours or friends who will walk your dogs if you can’t go out? Think about things like: soft squeaky balls you can throw in the house, tug toys, treat dispensers they can chase and play with, or other enrichment toys. You can make a great treat dispenser from an empty water bottle by putting holes in it just slightly larger than the treats, popping a few treats inside and screwing the lid on tightly. It’s especially good/annoying if it’s one of those crinkly ones that make a lot of noise…
• If you have children, plan as if you’re going on holiday somewhere isolated. Colouring books, board games, make and do supplies – you should have all this, anyway. But think about if you were packing a two week bag of all their essential supplies; medications, nappies, baby wipes, creams, batteries for toys, chargers, favourite snacks. What would you be lost without? Get an extra one of all those things.
• Household essentials. You should try to always have a back up of washing up liquid, laundry detergent, bleach, surface cleaner/wipes, hand wash/soap, hand cream, (especially important after all this extra hand washing), deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, moisturiser; but not everyone can afford to. Make sure you have enough of the basics you need to keep your house going, and yourself clean and healthy. Pound shops and Home Bargains stores are good for buying things like this on a budget; though always price check, as they aren’t always cheaper! Sometimes Tesco or Aldi special offers and own brands can be better value.
• Toilet roll. You need some toilet roll, obviously, but not all that. Take the rest to the nearest food bank and stop being silly.
• Tins. Tins are brilliant, they’re cheap and easy to cook and keep for literally years. Don’t start buying chickpeas and mung beans if you don’t actually usually eat them though. Buy what you’ll use, even if you might not usually buy it in tins. Soup is an instant meal, and things like chicken or mushroom soup make a really simple base for sauces too. Tinned veg needs no preparation and you can make your own stew, chilli, ragu or soup in just a few minutes. Tinned potatoes make mash almost instantly. Everyone needs chopped tomatoes, tinned tuna I swear you can live on forever, and chickpeas actually are pretty damn versatile and nutritious – you can make hummus, chana dhal, curry…
• Frozens. If you have the freezer space – tho who does, dammit? – frozen meat and veg are perfect ways to stock up long term. If you’ve got a big freezer, you’re fine. Stop stressing and get over yourself. Things you can freeze that you might not have thought of: milk, bread, cheese, bagels, butter. Things to keep in your freezer for when you can’t get fresh fruit and veg: chopped onions, chopped peppers, casserole mix, carrots, garlic, chillies, sweetcorn. Diced butternut squash and sweet potato – wrap this in (defrosted frozen) pastry with some creme fraiche or long life cream and seasoning for insta pie! Smoothie mixes and frozen red berry mixes – great with a scoop of ice cream, or again excellent for making desserts or just snacking.
• Dry goods. Rice, pasta, couscous, lentils, barley – but also flatbreads, crisps, crackers, plus pre-mix bread and cakes. Fresh stuff won’t keep without taking up valuable freezer space, but premix packets are generally cheap, hardly any fuss, and you get the reward of the great smell of fresh baking too. There are pastry packs you can find in the refrigerated section for baking croissants, cinnamon rolls and pain au chocolat. These are important household essentials.
• Drinks. Tea and coffee. And of course, then you need milk to go with them. Always have emergency uht milk in your cupboard. It keeps for months and will do in a pinch when everything else has run out. Oat/soya/almond milk also keeps for months and is worth trying if you haven’t already. Oat milk is really creamy in tea – and great in porridge, would you believe? Bovril is always a bold choice, but a good drink for resorting the strength of (non-vegetarian) invalids. It also has one of my favourite name etymologies ever, and its not what you expect, I promise. Cordials are useful to have in, last for ages, and no household should be without Vimto, after all. If anyone is ill and dehydrated the extra sugar is useful, and don’t forget that it’s always worth having some bottled water in, just in case. It’s only cheap and you never know when it’ll be useful. Likewise, keep some in the boot of your car, if you have one. Wine is obviously full of antioxidants and I know we’re all ready to make our own antibacterial hand gel out of vodka, so that one’s a given too. Gotta kill those viruses! Heck knows gin is definitely medicinal, as well. Especially with a couple of olives for extra vitamins. Don’t forget mixers, whilst you’re at it. Quinine cures diseases, and I’m pretty sure cola will kill bacteria, given half a chance. Limes and lemons saved our navy from scurvy, and you can slice them and then freeze the slices. Let’s stay classy and keep some Lillet or Noilly Prat in so you can always make martinis. This may be a pandemic but we’re not heathens.
• It you have anything on pay per go, and you can top it up, top it up. Phones, gas, electric, petrol in your car. Heaven knows, no one is prizing the internet from our cold dead fingers, obvously, but let’s prepare for everything. Maybe 5G will roll out early, who knows?
• And – If you know people who may be struggling, whether because of health issues, if they’re on a low income, or if you have elderly neighbours, check to see if they’re ok. See what they need. Find out what they’re worrying about, because I guarantee they’re worrying. Do something good for someone else, if you can – because that’s how we’ll get through this. Not by closing borders and emptying the shelves and staying off the streets. By looking out for each other. Don’t just make sure that you have enough, drop something off at your local food bank. There are places in doctor’s offices, schools and supermarkets. There’s no more important time to think of the vulnerable than now. The best way to feel better is by spreading a bit of altruism around. There’s no better time than now.